To Bloom or Not To Bloom

Whew... breathe . Sometimes, I just have to remind myself to breathe. Sounds silly, I know, but in this place, sometimes you forget to do the most basic of things to keep yourself alive.... breathe.   I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't cry so much in front of the kids... I would keep a "lid on it," so to speak. But of course, whenever you make a resolution, it's the first 24 hours that seems to pull out all of the punches. I have cried a lot tonight. And, of course, right after I wrote my last blog about not looking back but pushing forward.... well, I get thrown back and moving forward just seems impossible.  I am just keeping it real here, folks. No one can go through a life altering blow without injury.  The car has crashed, and we are all coming out of it alive, but forever altered. I think that I sat in the smoldering car a little too long. My injuries have me crawling and sometimes just slithering away. I can't seem to stay away from...

"If Satan can keep you looking back, he can keep you from moving forward. It's a new day. Press on ." Dr. Tony Evans What does pressing on look like? And if this is a "new day" and a "new year".... why does it look and feel so much like the old one? Accepting this new role as a single... single mom... is the challenge of accepting many things that are completely beyond my control. One of them being, accepting the simple fact, that I am not in control of anything.  Sometimes the car turns to the left, sometimes it doesn't. The ice maker... well, doesn't make anything. I have no idea what the next day will bring... more bills, more worries, more heartache???  Or, could this "new day, new year" actually bring new good things?  There's "the rub." I don't know, and I have no control over any of it.  I do my best and the rest... well, it's up to Him. Jeremiah 29:11 has come to my attention several times to...

I love to take pictures! My girls and I will get together and see how many distorted faces we can make and take in one photo session. Its loads of fun, ,but never anything I would allow to get out into the public!!! NO WAY!! Most of the time, we just hit "delete" and keep going. My older daughter and I might threaten each other that we are going to post it to each others profile page on facebook, but we never do. Why? I mean, we had great fun making those pics, why not let the world see us in our silly, laugh out loud moments? Not to mention the pictures taken when I am off guard, or not at my best? The humid days when I look like little orphan Annie got electrocuted! Or when I am not standing just right and sucking in my gut? Or, my favorite pics when little daughter shoots a picture from below, and I look like I am ALL chest?? You know those pics? The not-so-perfect-let-me-preview-that-pic-before-you-save-it-oooh-its-so-bad-let-me-delete-that-and-try-again-pic??? Isn...

Have you ever heard a very clear message from God? This is a big topic of discussion in my house lately. "Mommy, how do you hear from God? How do you know that He is talking to me and its not just my own thoughts that I am hearing?" Wouldn't it be great if God had an iphone? If He texted his answers down from heaven? I saw a cute message on a church sign recently displaying the new sermon series, "What would Jesus Tweet?" Of course, there is one obvious problem.... IF God called us on the phone, would we even recognize his voice? I know when my daughter calls. Besides her upbeat ringtone, when I hear her speak, I KNOW it is Michaela. I know her voice. And even as close as it is to her younger sister's voice, her tone, her wit, her topics of conversation are very distinctively her own. How do I know it is her withing seconds of answering the phone? Because I have spent the last almost 14 years spending time with her. Getting to know her very personally. I...

A seed. Mixed into an envelope with many other seeds. Varieties of all kinds. Pulled from the package and placed into a dark, moist, dirty, lonely hole. Then completely covered with more dirt and drowned with water. If I wasn't more sure, I would think that is just what I am. Alone. Covered. Overwhelmed. Drowning. Dirty. In a place that sees more darkness than light. How did I get here? Who put me in this pot? Why am I in over my head? Are there any other seeds out there?? I prefer to plant flowers that have already begun to grow. I mean who really wants to wait around to watch for seeds to sprout? I would much rather have a beautiful bush of mums on my front porch than a bunch of dirt filled pots! Right?? And waiting for a seed to grow?? Who has the patience? If I am decorating around my home, I want beauty NOW . Not in 6 to 8 weeks.... or longer. You know, planting a seed has often times reminded me of burial. Especially with my not-so-green thumb. I have to hope and pray t...