Rough Days Ahead....

Whew... breathe. Sometimes, I just have to remind myself to breathe. Sounds silly, I know, but in this place, sometimes you forget to do the most basic of things to keep yourself alive.... breathe. 

I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't cry so much in front of the kids... I would keep a "lid on it," so to speak. But of course, whenever you make a resolution, it's the first 24 hours that seems to pull out all of the punches. I have cried a lot tonight.

And, of course, right after I wrote my last blog about not looking back but pushing forward.... well, I get thrown back and moving forward just seems impossible. 

I am just keeping it real here, folks. No one can go through a life altering blow without injury. 

The car has crashed, and we are all coming out of it alive, but forever altered. I think that I sat in the smoldering car a little too long. My injuries have me crawling and sometimes just slithering away. I can't seem to stay away from the wreckage. I keep going back to it over and over in disbelief. We were hit head-on by a vehicle we never saw coming. And when I woke up from the crash, one person was missing.... The officer tells me that somehow, he ended up in the other car... 

I thought we were all driving along together. One destination on this forever journey, but with many detours and bumps along the way. How on earth did we end up in separate vehicles?? How?

So, tonight, I found myself in the bathroom, leaning over the sink, asking God, "Please, help me to breathe..." And He did.

"For I know the plans I have for you.... hope..... future."